An Evening Spent In Reverie

Letters That Will Go Unread

To my little brother, I'm sorry that you were bullied. You should of told me. Or maybe its best you kept it a secret from me. It could of gotten ugly.

To the store that sold me my favorite jacket, my top button fell off way to easy. Will you give me a new one?

Hey girl that supposedly used to like me.  I honestly don't want to hear about your love life anymore.

Dear half the people I know, I'm sorry it's a little awkward, I just have nothing to say.

To Griffin Kerr, you don't know how happy I am that we became good friends again sophomore year. Remember that one day you called me over the summer for no reason? Thank you, it meant a lot.

To the girl that I met at EFY two years ago, I have thought about marrying you multiple times.

Hey there brother, so I really don't like your girlfriend. She is annoying and a four at best.

Easy there kid that uses too much hair gel. Easy.

Sorry girl standing behind me at the drinking fountain, I know it's annoying when I fill up my water bottle but I naturally have a dry throat.

To my Mom and Dad, I love you so much more than I have ever expressed.

Sincerely, William Lee Barefield III

How To Be An Athlete

I will keep this post short and sweet. All you have to do to be an athlete is....

Eat your Wheaties.

Opposition to Silence

Everything has an opposite, and as the new and the old became intertwined, all I wanted to do was throw up. It took time but I came to realize that although this might not be my world, it was still a world. So I decided to pack up and run, off to the south. As far as my legs would take me. To go perform tasks that I am not yet capable of. But before I went I just wanted to thank you.

Thank you because a new window has popped up in my life. Before I had you I was losing power. You were my Savior. With that being said, I was not sorry for the excuse I made. Because I knew the second was different from the first. But who would believe that?

The excuse was like a dance of disappearing anemones. You could see it in my body language. You were taught to pay attention to faces. You were taught that faces were the best window into other peoples inner beast.

During our last conversation, the silence caused me to stumble. I didn't know it then but, now I know the reason for your silence. It was because talk is cheap. Words don't say much, and you didn't need words to communicate your love.

Favorite Blogs

There are a couple blogs that I find myself repeatedly checking whenever I log on. My favorites in order are.

1. Dick Tidrow

2. Phyllis Dae Sloan

3. George Costanza

4. Charlotte Charles

5. Esther Greenwood

Highs & Lows of My Past

 I remember having a crush on my next door neighbor. She was also my babysitter. I remember dressing up as Batman. I remember my sister and her friend pinning me down and making me dress up like a girl. I remember the day Cordell pooped his pants in the second grade. I remember having to blow on nintendo games to get them to work again. I remember telling everybody I sucked at drawing to get a couple compliments. I remember when I first saw a pair of Heelys and freaking out. I remember burying my grandpa after his fight with cancer. It was a cold day. I remember burying my grandma next to my grandpa after her fight with cancer. It was a colder day. I remember quitting. I remember my first ever c.d. It was the Backstreet Boys Millennium album. I remember feeling sick to my stomach when my teacher said she was going to call my mom. I remember the relief I felt when I realized she had forgot. I remember really liking a girl for the first time. I remember her friend zoning me and going after my best friend. That sucked. A lot. The more I think the more I remember. I just don't want to forget.

One Word

Dance. Pants. Ants. Crawly. Creepy. Old men. Wrinkles. Sun. Summer. Friends. Ginger. Ron Weasley. Harry Potter. Books. Book of Mormon. Church. Sunday. Nap. Sleep. Dream. Create. Creative. Mr. Nelson. Beard. Scratchy. Soft. Sheep. Farm. Idaho. Potato. Salad. Vegetables. Candy. Chunky. Fat Camp. Movie. Remember the Titans. Football. Friday. Weekend. Free. America. Baseball. Grandpa. Grandma. Cookies. Milk. Cow. Udder. Gross. Tuna. Water. Ocean. Beach. California. San Fransisco. Proposition 8. D.C. Mormons. Pioneers. Lehi. Cheap. Penny. Abraham Lincoln. Smart. Books.

The Day the Music Died

I can't pinpoint the exact time in my life I noticed the music stop playing. The day it died.

                                              

 But I do know that it has been gone for a while now. It was brutally murdered, hauled off in a hearse, and buried six feet deep left to rot. 

I keep telling myself that if I am good that I will somehow be able to find Jesus. If anybody can bring the music back from the dead into my life, surely, it's Jesus.

I just want to go back to the days where the days don't matter. Where I have hours to sit and think on the front steps as the last rays of sun vanish behind the mountains. When I have all day to think, dream, and create. Think, dream, create. Over and over again, never getting old. 

I want to hear the rhythmic melodies of the piano. The hum of the guitar that resonates throughout the room. I want to hear the sweet crooning of the vocalist. I desperately want to hear that song again.

False Praises

I could write about how much my life sucks and probably get a hundred comments on my blog, praise from the class, and make it to Mr. Nelsons hall of fame.

or

I could write about how I love my life and how much God has done for me and get ignored.

Freak Out

Freak out like you are with your friends and your parents aren't there to stop you. Freak out like you have 5 minutes until to live until you reach the gallows. Freak out like you are are home alone and you don't have to wear pants. Freal out like a school of fish in the deep blue sea. Like you successfully stole a pencil from a kid you said you would only "borrow" it from. Freak out like they just made everyday Taco Tuesday. Freak out like a child that has a big box of Otter-Pops in the summer time. Freak out like a fish that escaped the hook. Freak out like a high school drop out just made a million dollars. Freak out like the love of your life just said "I do." Freak out like a ratchet girl just arrived at KFC.

Things To Do With A Girlfriend

The things in in this post are not necessarily things that I want to do but more of things to do.

• Make a scrapbook with each other of each other
• Cut each others hair
• Bake a pound cake 
• Give each other fake tattoos with sharpies
• Take Zumba classes
• Make out to B.O.B.
• Break the law
• Donate blood
• Attend a sporting event
• Ride horses
• Walk on the beach
• Candlelight dinner
• Rock out to smooth Barry White
• Teach her a skill
• Go to a midnight premiere 

Broken Dreams and Duct Tape

A broken dream cannot be fixed with duct tape. Nor can it fix a missed opportunity. Duct tape can't fix dry lips or a bad haircut. It can't fix a warm bottle of water that was once cold but sat in your car too long. It can't stop some students from being tourists. It can't stop a car accident or a house fire. It will never change the fact that my dad is bald. Duct tape will never change my attitude about math class. It won't change my short temper. It can't prevent black lung, restless leg syndrome, or cancer. Duct tape can't bring back Sean Taylor. It won't fix me wanting to be a pansy around big groups, girls, big girls in groups....  People say duct tape can fix anything but its all a lie. Duct tape can't fix most things.

Cope With Depression

"I have looked in the mirror every morning and asks myself, "if today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?" Whenever the answer has been no for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something." - Steve Jobs

Things To Do When Depressed

Switch things up from your normal routine.

Watch a movie you have never seen before

Get to know someone new. Hear their story.

Go on a walk/drive with a good friend and reminisce old memories.

Relive your childhood.

Face a fear.

Go on a late night run in the dark.

Turn off your phone. Cut yourself off from the outside world.

Give someone a hug.

Learn a new skill.

Freestyle rap to instrumentals.

Write a friend a letter.

Dance around the room.

Serve somebody.

Pray.

Digging For an Answer

Sometimes I wish I still had the opportunity to sit him down and dissect what went on in that radio full of static some would call a brain. Ask him a hand full of questions that would most likely bore him to death. That is all me ever talking to him would do anyways. Bore him to death. Regardless of how brutal this would be I had to ask him just a few questions.

I would walk right up to him and tell him that we needed to talk. Knowing him he would try to make a joke out of this in order to escape the tug of the rope woven with my questions that I now had him tied up in. He would say,"what now? This sounds too much like we are in a relationship."

That is just what I am trying to save. Our relationship.

I would lead him in to a dark cold interrogation room. Let him sit down in a hard aluminum chair. Shine that bright light in his face to add to the seriousness that I want to inhibit.

I would pull up a chair right next to him. Knees almost touching. Giving him no area between us to mold his answers into what I want to hear. I would look him straight in those eyes that were once filled with joy. Now with sorrow and pain. I would first pose him the question, "what do you live for?" Im sure he would have a response. A list full of x, y, and z. I would then say, "why do live for those things?" He would most likely would be able to answer that one as well. I then say, "Are those things good?" Hopefully he would say, "yeah those things are good."

Now I have to find out where he gets his standard of good. All standards have to come from somewhere. If there is no standard of good and evil than what is he living for? What is the point of having dreams and aspirations if your not doing it for good. Not trying to fulfill anything. 

I never needed him to be perfect. I just wish I could of helped him realize the path consequences that his actions lead him on sooner. 

If your not trying to fulfill anything. Having no standard of good and bad. What are you living for?

A Day In the Life

6:20 Alarm goes off and I start the day off right by hitting snooze.

6:30 Hit snooze again.

6:40 Hit snooze once more.

6:50 Debate hitting snooze again and wonder how many times you hit snooze this morning.

6:55 Hop in the shower. I wonder if you like hot showers better or cold showers better.

6:56 Wish I would of gone to bed earlier.

6:57 Tell myself I will go to bed earlier.

7:05 Get out of the shower and try to pick out my clothes according to the style I know you like. I want to wear those tan cotton Levi's again because you have told me you like them and all I want is another compliment from you.

7:15 Eat breakfast. I multitask my thoughts. First thinking about what you are going to wear today or how many times I will bump into you in the halls, then to the search and find on the back of the cereal box and then eventually back to you.

7:45 - 2:30 I go to school. This is the place where I get so bored in class that all I do is think about you. What class are you in? Do you enjoy that class? Wanna go out with me?... the answer is no. Even in my daydreams I get rejected.

3:00 - 4:00 I make an attempt to do my homework. I hate homework but I know you are a good student and want to go to BYU. I don't quite have the grades to go there but I am working hard because after hearing you talk about college, I want to go there with you too.

4:00 - 6:00 This is the time where I usually just waste my day away. Listen to music, play sports, get some gaming in.

6:00 - 7:00 I eat dinner sometime in between here. I eat fumbling around with my vegetables. I am a senior in high school but am still scared to eat my vegetables. Do you like vegetables?

7:00 - 10:00 I don't even know what I do during this time.

10:00 Get "ready" for bed. A.K.A. check Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter. I try my best to tweet things to get you to laugh. I try so hard to get your attention through twitter. You don't even have a twitter...

10:30 Really get ready for bed. Turn the lights out.

11:00 Fall asleep. Can't get you off my mind.

I have been thinking a lot about you as of recent.

I've Been Thinking

I have been thinking about you like white thinks about rice. Like wrong thinks about right. Like a Jansport backpack thinks about riding your back too tight. I've been thinking about you like pollen thinks about bees. Like leaves think about trees. Like mothers think about children. Like mothers think about having a break from their children. I've been thinking about you like shirts and ties think about church. Like clocks think about time. Like humans think about time. I have been thinking about you like beaches think about oceans. Like Frank Ocean thinks about you.   Like February thinks about March. Like soldiers in the Army think to march. I have been thinking about you like mouths think about chewing, kissing, and talking. Like snakes think about walking. Like stalkers think of stalking. Like corn thinks of... stalking?  I've been thinking about you like cows think about grazing. Like artists think of painting. Like upperclassmen think about hazing, freshman.

Truth is... I have been thinking about you a lot lately. I can't get anything done it's driving me crazy. But at the same time I don't want you to stop being on my mind. I like not being able to think about anything else. It is like you send me into my own personal state of schizophrenia... and I LOVE that.

Things to Teach My Son

In case you didn't want to watch the video. That was the music video for "Just the Two Of Us" performed by the great Will Smith. The song is about how he is grateful for his son, how he thinks he will be when he gets older, then he gives some advice to his son for the future.

Personally I can't wait until the day when I can be a father. I have to have a son though. Girls are great and all but I will need a son to keep me grounded. In this post I just wanted to list off a few things that I want to teach my son.

Things To Teach My Son

1. How to throw a spiral
2. How to tie a necktie
3. How to shave (only his face. If I find out my son shaves his legs like a girl I will treat him as such.)
4. How to change a tire
5. Dont do drugs
6. How to gain the respect of others
7. To show his emotions in a tough manly way
8. How to throw a punch
9. I want to teach my son how to read. Is that a mom thing? I don't really know but I want to do that.
10. How to fix an engine (still need to learn that one myself)
11. How to tie his shoelaces.
12. How to dress. 
13. About having a relationship with God
14. Dont quit
15. How to be a leader

          I just want my son to be a better more humble version of me. I am a strong believer in leading by example. I hope I will set a good example for my future son. I will now that I have failed as a father if my son is not better off then I am.

My Own Stupid Fears

I am afraid of Band-Aids, used or not. I'm afraid of driving yet I do it on a daily basis. What is worse is when you are driving around on empty. I am afraid of the color white after Labor Day. I'm afraid of sawdust and dry skin. Not together but ya.

 Sometimes I am not really scared but kind of embarrassed to be seen in public with my family.

 Especially my bald father.

 I am afraid of indie kids and their weird music, their weird clothes, and their lack of desire to use soap when they shower. I am afraid of standing out in a group and having all the attention on me. However, I am more scared of blending in and being a nobody. I am afraid of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches on wheat bread. I am scared of using cheap hair products with the fear that it will change the texture of my hair.

I am petrified to get anywhere near her lips.

I am afraid of men that have more hair on their face then their head. I am scared of what I will find in the toilet if the last person to use it did not flush. I am afraid at the lack of swag that white rappers tend to have. I have a fear of eating a whopper in fear that Ronald Mcdonald himself will catch me betraying the Big Mac.

I am just a scared little boy in a big big world.

She Makes Me Feel

She makes me feel...

• Like I'm somebody, anybody other than myself. As I am with her I become an innocent bystander. Watching a nervous, idiotic, unexperienced teenage boy put forth his best effort to try and woo her. Fumbling over his sweet nothings. Trying to have her notice him "unintentionally" flexing even though he has no meat on his pasty white skin. This kid is pathetic. 

• Like I am a Pandora station.  I hate 9 out of the 10 songs being played but I keep listening so I can "thumbs up" that one song and hopefully add variety to my current music library. She is that one song.

• Like it's Christmas morning. I have one last present to open. I know the remainder of the day will be filled with fun but.... the second I open that last gift the true exhilaration of Christmas day ends. I have to wait a whole other 365 days to resume the excitement. However, somehow that day seems to come speedily back around every year without fail. 

• She makes me feel... good.

Imperfect Love

 What exactly is love? I believe that love is imperfections coming together to create perfection. Its that urge to hold back that stutter every time I talk to her. Get over the lump in my throat. How can I even be me when she is right there next to me? I don't really know the answer to that question. Can anybody answer that for me?

 I don't think you really love somebody until you would give up everything to be with that person. love has to be 100% completely selfless. Just like "The Great Compromise of 1787" you better be ready to give up a whole heck of a lot. If you don't think your ready to take off your "Air Force Ones" and put on her heels..... Boy get out dat relationship!

  A crucial part of love is pain.

 Pain. Love. Don't think they mix? Think again because they go together like Michael Jordan and Scottie Pippen, like cookies and milk, like the inhale and exhale in a full breathe. If your body doesn't ache when you can't be with the person you love. Honestly to me, if it doesn't hurt you are not loving hard.

 Nobody is going to be perfect on their own. However if you have two kinda perfect people and you put them together, that equals like one super person right? All I'm saying is why have the cake if you can't have the sweet frosting?

Cling To You

Dang, that is cute right there. Look at that fluffy baby clinging to his mom. This picture shows you more than just two cute animals. It shows you what is important in that little guys mind. He "clings" to his mom. What do you cling to? Imagine yourself about to enter battle. You are putting your life on the line. Not knowing if you will live to see another ray of vibrant sunlight. What will you cling to then? You can't cling to money, cars, and clothes. Those things won't matter in the end. They won't be able to revive you when you get gunned down. Some cling to friendships, some to distant memories. I like to cling to religion. You are my religion. I cling to you.

Humanity At It's Finest

I know that I am human in those moments where I demonstrate my creativity. I know that I am human because I have the ability to think for myself. Its not just the thoughts that make me human. It is when I put those thoughts into action.  The natural man is naturally robotic.  Humans are constantly trying to fit in with others. If everybody is trying to fit in is anybody really fitting in? The answer is no. They are not. They are just falling to a robotic state. The moments that we go against the grain is when we are the most human. When we can block out the ways of the world and focus on what we need to do. I am not a robot. I am human.

The Beginning

Society teaches us to bottle our emotions. Writing is all about being able to pour out your emotions on that paper. Unfortunately I have fallen victim to the pressure that society has forced upon me. I feel I don't know how to put my emotions on paper. Secretly I have always wanted to be the rebellious kid. This blog is the perfect place to rebel. Rebel against society. Here you can witness my rebellion.